My Child is Anxious, What Do I Do?

Anxiety is also natural and normal at certain developmental stages.
For example, separation anxiety is common in toddlers and older children may experience anxiety when in new situations.

Anxiety in children can manifest as physical symptoms like stomachaches, headaches, or changes in sleep patterns.  You might also notice behavioural changes such as avoidance of social situations, reluctance to go to school, or sudden outbursts.

However, if anxiety is taking over your child’s life that they are having difficulties functioning and/or enjoying life, here are a few strategies that you might find helpful.

Helping your anxious child is a combination of empathy, patience and practical strategies.

Understand and Validate Their Feelings

1. Listen Actively: Pay attention to what your child is saying without interrupting.
You might nod or say "aha", to show you are listening. Perhaps say it back to make sure you have understood correctly.

2. Validate Their Emotions: Acknowledge that their feelings are real and important. Say things like, "I understand you're feeling scared, and that's okay."
Do not tell them that they are being silly and/or to let it go.

Teach Coping Skills

3. Deep Breathing Exercises: Teach your child to take slow, deep breaths to calm their nervous system. Quite often if we tell someone to breathe, they are likely to roll their eyes.
With younger children, try a game like who can make the longest snake sound.
Other types of breathing like the box breath are also good – take a breath in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, out for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts and repeat.
4-7-8 breathing is also effective.   This involves breathing in for 4 seconds, holding your breath for 7 seconds and exhaling for 8 seconds.

4. Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Meditation and slow muscle relaxation can be helpful as can yoga.
Another thing is to stop and look around, what can you see, what can you hear, what can you feel, what can you taste, what can you smell. Perhaps drink a glass of water and focus on it – does it feel cold, how does it feel as it goes down your throat.
Look at the trees, if you look closely at the leaves, you will notice there are different shades of green or other colours.
Walk with bare feet and feel the ground beneath you.
Mindfulness is another word for being fully present.

5. Positive Visualization: Encourage your child to visualise a calm, safe place or a positive outcome to their worries. This place can be real or imagined. A place where they feel safe and it makes them happy.

6. Get out of your head: Chew on a strong mint, smell a strong scent. This will immediately take you out of your head.

Create a Supportive Environment

6. Maintain a Routine: A predictable schedule can provide a sense of security.

7. Create a Calming Space: A quiet corner with comforting items (like a favourite book or stuffed animal) can be a refuge when they feel overwhelmed.

8. Limit Exposure to Stressors: In this day of technology where everything is at our fingertips, it is important that as parents and carers we remain vigilant and  monitor and limit exposure to news, social media or situations that might heighten anxiety.

Encourage Healthy Lifestyle Choices

9. Regular Exercise: Physical activity can reduce anxiety and improve mood. Perhaps go for walks together or play in the park, this is not only good for physical and emotional health but provides an opportunity for connection.

10. Healthy Diet: Ensure your child eats a balanced diet with limited sugar, caffeine and processed foods.

11. Adequate Sleep: Establish a regular bedtime routine to ensure they get enough rest.

Foster Positive Thinking

12. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Help your child recognise and challenge irrational fears or negative thoughts.
Go through the story, okay if that happens and then what, and then what etc until you get to the end. Ask what are the chances of that happening?
Also, by going through the scenario and getting to the doomsday end, it might not be so bad or they might come up with a solution.

14. Focus on Strengths:  Highlight their strengths and past successes to build confidence.

Seek Professional Help if Needed

15. Consult a Therapist:  A qualified therapist such as a psychologist or social worker can provide strategies tailored to your child's specific needs.

16. Consider Group Therapy: Group settings can help your child feel less isolated and learn from peers.

17. Medication: In some cases, medication  might be recommended to manage severe anxiety.

Be a Role Model

18. Manage Your Own Stress: Children often learn by observing their parents. Demonstrate healthy ways to handle stress.

19. Stay Calm and Positive: Your attitude can influence your child's perception of situations.

Keep Communication Open

20. Regular Check-Ins: Ask your child how they’re feeling and be available to talk when they need to.
Listen carefully as sometimes children are not direct. For example your child might talk about a joke that someone said. Ask if they found it funny. It might be that this is what is upsetting them.

21. Educate About Anxiety: Teach your child about anxiety and how it affects the body and mind, so they understand what they're experiencing.

Build Resilience

22. Encourage Independence:  Allow your child to face their fears in small, manageable steps.

23. Praise Efforts, Not Just Results: Reinforce the importance of trying and persisting, regardless of the outcome. If your child does not succeed on occasion, remind them that that’s okay and they can try again, the key is not to give up.

24. Teach Coping Mechanisms: Equip them with skills to manage anxiety independently, like journaling or creative outlets.

Provide Positive Reinforcement

25. Celebrate Small Wins: Recognise and celebrate when your child takes steps to manage their anxiety.

26. Create a Reward System: For younger children, a reward system can motivate them to use coping strategies.

Connect with Others

27. Social Support: Encourage friendships and social activities that can distract from anxiety and provide a sense of belonging.

28. Parent Support Groups: Connecting with other parents facing similar challenges can provide support and ideas.

By incorporating these strategies, you can help your child develop the tools they need to manage anxiety effectively.